This summer, I was driving and listening to, I think, Tapestry on CBC Radio. A man affiliated with a Cathedral somewhere was talking about panhandling near the church. His thesis was the panhandlers wanted your recognition as people, as members of our community more than they wanted your spare change. They want eye contact and a ‘good morning, how are you’, he said.
Fill-in panhandling
He’d filled in for one of the panhandlers one day while the guy had to run an errand. He said the worst thing he felt was the invisibility – that no one saw him while he was sitting on the church steps. By being in the context of ‘panhandler’, he was not worth noticing. In his usual context of Church official, he would have been acknowledged, even respected. He hadn’t changed his clothes or behaviour, simply put himself in a place where Church officials do not sit, held the equipment of the panhandler and therefore became him. What he especially noticed was the averting of eyes from him.
I was listening and thinking about my response to panhandlers. A couple blocks further on, I got a chance to test myself. A young man was standing on the traffic island by the stoplights. He held a cardboard sign and had a plastic container at his feet. As I got closer in the line of traffic, I saw it read “out of work, need spare change.” What am I going to do? I was just hoping the light wouldn’t change so I’d have to stop beside him. My luck held and I caught the tail end of the advance turn signal. “Sorry buddy I gotta turn now!” I only said that in my head. Like all the other drivers I could see, I drove right past without making eye contact with him.
Eye-Averter
I am usually an eye-averter. But, I realized, I’m also an eye-averter at craft shows, trade shows and any store that actually still has shop assistants who themselves aren’t eye-averting with customers. I don’t want to enter into any conversation which has a transaction as its principal motive.
If I’m at a craft sale and want to look at hand-crocheted items, it doesn’t mean I want to buy any and I don’t want to feel guilted into buying a doily because the nice lady that made it is telling me all about it. So I slink along, keeping to the middle of the aisle so I’m not easily ‘eye-caught’ by the genial grandmother or the slick-suited window salesman. If they catch your eye, you become obligated to talk to them. And, oh yes, they’ll talk to you at length about anything. But ultimately they are hoping you will buy something.
I have way too much stuff in my house that I bought because I felt it was the decent thing to do. Trapped into communication and made part of a tiny exchange community leads to having all kinds of gizmos and handcrafty items that eventually make their way to the ‘community’ of the Goodwill Industries.
Community commerce
The social communication of a market situation is selling something to someone. And panhandling is a market situation. Someone is asking someone else to give them money. They’re selling you the act of making yourself feel good? They’re selling charity, pity, egalitarianism, ‘there but for the grace of God…’? I don’t know. But I decided that my eye-averting is not an act of denying community membership to someone, it’s just an act of not wanting to engage in commerce. When my eye is caught, by a good panhandler or a good salesperson, I usually end up buying, or giving. That’s why I try to keep myself disengaged; I don’t like the value of my humanity being assessed on the scales of trade.
- See my Homeless Companions for how someone, merchant or panhandler, having a dog changes the whole game.
Carrie Anne
24 Nov 2010Sounds good. I’ll be looking forward to it. We have a “no soliciting” sign, too. I don’t think they understand what it means. I’m going to write something more obvious one of these days.
Nice to hear from you, too. Cheers!
Carrie Anne
24 Nov 2010Interesting, on the eye contact thing. *cringe* Toronto was hard for me, seeing all the homeless people quite regularly. Seeing people walk by, as if they didn’t exist. Really, it shouldn’t be “my” problem either; the government should be doing something to solve the issue rather than throwing money down the toilet (but that’s another issue). I would smile, give money, sometimes ask questions and chat. There were also a lot of downright rude ones, who didn’t say thank you – one even asked for more! After being in Canada for ten years, that’s it. I’ve had it. Everybody wants my money. They come to my home to ask for it. My answer now, vote Liberal. I’d rather pay more tax and not be harassed consistently for money. And shopping, yes. I don’t browse places anymore as I don’t like to be attacked upon entering, or guilt-ed with false sales banter. Also, those chain restaurants where the staff are all bubbly, in your face, telling you their name. Aaaaaaargh! I use my Visa for everything these days, for extra protection. 😉
Dorothy
24 Nov 2010Hi Carrie, nice to hear from you. Yeah, I spent time in Toronto in the late 90s and that’s when I started having real problems with panhandling. I hated seeing people walk past as if they didn’t even see the people asking for money. I also hated being asked for money. I started making sure I had a few dollars in change in my pocket so I didn’t have to rummage around looking for my wallet. Then I’d have to remember to ration it out so I didn’t run out when there were more panhandlers further along. But I started thinking, why do I have to do this just to walk down the street? I began working on my “oh I see something really interesting over there” look so I could ignore panhandlers without appearing to. I’m sure it didn’t fool them, but it made me feel better. Your mention of people coming to the door for money reminds me of something with that I encountered at my front door recently. I need to add to my existing “no soliciting” sign. I’ll write more about that soon.